Grant and I always joke that my favorite number is 8.
Why?
My usual answer is "Because it looks like 2 donuts stacked on top of each other, and what could be better then that!"
My new answer "Because that is when Danil started to relax and became joyful in being a part of our family more than anytime he has been with us."
Yep it's true. The past two to three weeks overall have been great. It seems to finally be clicking.
We've had several heart to hearts. We've talked about Ukraine and his life there. We've talked about how his life as he sees it was good there (honestly that is how he sees it) and how his life here is good too. It's okay to look at the differences and realize that they are good in different ways. But no matter the differences . . .you can still like each of them. You don't have to throw "mud" because one may be better in one area then the other. Bottom line, they are both different but they are both good. This seems to have really clicked with him. (Thanks to my wonderful friend Renee who pointed this out to me and helped me have this conversation with Danil.)
Danil seems to care more. He wants to snuggle more. He wants to hug more. He offers more kisses and wants more in return. He wants to make sure what he does or says does not hurt you. He wants and trys to be more obedient. He leading with his heart for the first time.
Things are also settling between Grant and Danil. I have to say that Danil has grown alot but so has Grant. Grant, the baby of the family and the cute little guy that everyone paid attention to, lost his identity on July 8, 2011 when a little boy the same age as him moved into our house. They both have ownership in the way this "war" has gone down. Grant's anger turned him into a little boy that I didn't recognize any longer. A boy who didn't smile as much. A boy who became verbally and physically abusive. A boy who was sad, annoyed, mad and sometimes just down right ugly. It broke my heart.
I shook my finger at God many times.
"Why God, Why did you ask me to do this?"
"Why did I have to hurt one little boy to save another?"
"Why couldn't you have set this up better, Come on God!"
But after 8 months, I finally see my 2 boys emerging from the black cloud that covered them. And oh how God's light is shining down.
He's not only stretching and growing me . . .he's stretching and growing my boys. I can't be mad at God for that.
Grant is settling into this role as big brother and Danil is settling into the role of little brother. They are learning that not everything is fair but they are loved the same, they are loved unconditionally.
Do we have brotherly arguments? Yes. But they no longer involve on-going physical abuse or abusive words. We are learning to get to the heart of the issue and solve it. It's definitely a process.
Danil's cycle was very short this month. It only last a few days and was tolerable. There was a few time that his anxiety became overwhelming to him thus he became verbally abusive. This month, I decided hold him in a cradling position until his anger subsided, after time-out proved to be unsuccessful. At first he was mad, he continued with the verbal attacks. My response was loving. He would get frustrated because I would not allow him to get down until he relaxed. This triggered the fake relax, but he could only hold up his this act for a minute or so. Then anger, followed by surrender, relaxed body, to deep remorse for his anger, to sadness for loss, then cuddling me back, to not wanted to leave my side, to hugs and kisses, to a joyful boy. I only had to do this 2 times and the cycle was over. So much anxiety for such a little guy, it's heart breaking.
In the 8 months since Danil has been home. He has only grown 1/2" taller. He weighs the same (Oh so skinny but we can't seem to get any weight on him). His shoe size has grown 2 1/2 sizes. Well, at least his feet are growing!
He's writing and reading more at school.
He's finally starting to get green cards consecutively (big sigh). And looks like he is on track to completing Kindergarten. I have to say that God gave Danil an amazing drive. His energy level is still high (God help me!) but I am finding that he is able to sit for longer periods of time without become too anxious. This is great for Danil and makes Mommy happy.
Or should I say Dan because apparently he changed his name.
He's excited about our upcoming vacation to see the white sandy beach of Florida and the Ocean/Gulf of Mexico. He's getting excited about Spring and Summer. He looks forward to his week at school and forward to his weekends at home with us.
I'll leave you with a video of Danil playing the game, Headbands. The boys love this game and as you can see, Danil is quite good at it.
