Our new journey as a family of five has taken us down a new path.
A path that was hard to see, and sometimes hard for us to make the choice collectively to walk down.
But with much prayer and patience, we have chosen to link hands and journey down the path together.
It started shortly after our arrival home with Danil. Kevin and I went out for a small date. I sat across the table from him, looked him in the eye and told him that I really felt that God was not done with us yet. There was a little girl.
Somewhere.
I told him that I didn't know when or where but I wanted to let him know what I felt God was speaking to me.
Throughout our wait for God to speak to us, we encountered many signs that said "Now is not the time." We were struggling to acclimate Danil into our family. We knew that we had to create stability and security in this relationship. A firm foundation was needed. Another sign was not the whole family was on board. Heck, there were times I was not on board. Adoption is hard work and uncomfortable. I questioned many times if I could do it again.
And "the" question came up again...you know the same one that was asked by our biological kids when we approached them about adopting Danil,
"Aren't we enough?"
"Why is God calling us to be uncomfortable, to sacrifice?"
"Why can't we just be comfortable?"
As a parent, these questions sting. But as a Christian, these questions are things we ask our father constantly if we are walking in his will.
The answer is "It's not about us."
We prayed for clarity, for an answer, and for a change of heart.
In May, our church sent Kevin and I to the Orphan Summit in Nashville with the hopes of figuring out how to start an orphan ministry in our church. It was an amazing experience. As we got up to leave a session, Kevin looked at me and said he was ready. From that point he has been the driving force in this journey.
We were invited by some friends at church to meet with a spiritual counselor that was staying with them. I was so skeptical. Kevin and I decided to just go meet with him. It was an amazing experience. He confirmed through God's word that we were journeying down the right path. But where? My heart was so sad that I was unwilling to go to Ukraine again. I can't. I can't be away from my children for 36+ days again, especially Danil. He's experienced so much trauma already. I just couldn't. So if not Ukraine, then where? I had been searching. I explored the processes in Bulgaria, Asian countries and the United States. All were dead ends. The spiritual counselor looked at me and asked me the question "Where?" I broke down. There are SO MANY, how do I choose? How do I choose a child? The burden was too heavy for me.
He turned to Kevin. "Where?" Kevin answered "Africa."
My heart sank. "Africa?"
In March, I attended an adoptive mom retreat. In complete honesty, I was offended at this conference. All the booths were promoting adoption from Africa. My eyes had seen different. And my closed heart exclaimed "There are orphans all over the world, not just in Africa."
So I asked again "Africa, really?"
During our time with the counselor we also prayed that the hearts of our children, one child in particular, would change toward adoption. The next day, I discussed our meeting with the counselor. This child was very intrigued by his words to us and exclaimed "Where are we going to get her?"
Praise God.
Still skeptical that this was the right direction, I began looking for photo listing of children from Africa. Two little girls stood out. So I inquired. They were from Burkina Faso, Africa. Where? Never heard of it. So I inquired some more. Turns out its a small county in Northwest Africa about the size of Colorado just North of Ghana. The wait time is longer but the time in country is about 2 weeks so this fit my desire to not leave Danil for an extended period of time.
So God and I had a little talk. "Lord, if this is where you want us to go, you are going to have to be very clear...like a flashing sign or something." God smiled.
In the meantime, we contacted an agency and started the initial steps. Our home study appointments were scheduled.
We received a phone call. It was our neighbor of the last ten years. Her home was going to sheriff sale in a little over a month. We were stunned. We knew that times were hard for her. She had experience the loss of a son by suicide 6 years ago. Since then we had witnessed a slow spiral downward. We did what we could for her. We mowed her yard, took out her trash and hugged her as she cried. We told her many times that if times got hard financially to let us know. We had no idea it had gone this far. So Kevin and I spoke about our options. We had always wanted to purchase her home if it became available because it is so close to our home. It actually was part of our property until the 1940's when it was sold after the death of original owner.
My heart was so conflicted. Was this a test? Was I suppose to choose between a child and a house? Did God want me to confirm where my treasure lied, with his will or with possessions? I prayed, I cried and I sought counsel.
In the meantime, our neighbor came over and sat at our table. She was in tears. She had been through so much in her life. She was sure God had a plan for her life but she was so lost on what that was. She started with a story.
"It's just a house, I don't care. My life changed 40 years ago when I visited a friend in Africa. He wasn't really a good friend, more of an acquaintance. But while I was there I looked into the eyes of starving children and a house doesn't matter."
Kevin said "Oh really, what part of Africa."
She answered "Oh, it's a little county, not well known. It was once called Upper Volta but now is called Burkina Faso."
I lost it. I sobbed. She looked at me with great concern and grabbed my hand.
I couldn't speak. Here was my flashing sign.
God is so good to meet us where we are at.
We proceeded with the purchase of her home. We were told by many that it was a long shot. That banks do not negotiate that fast and securing a mortgage would take a while. So we surrendered it to God. But I was still very conflicted. You see the down payment for the house was the money we were planning on using for the adoption. But Kevin had more faith. He looked at me one day and said "Our God is bigger then this, he can accomplish both."
Well long story short, we closed on the house. I wrote on the day of closing about our plans to purchase this home. A friend wrote that when we do God's will, he blesses us. All this time I had been looking at this situation as a test, not a blessing. Shame on me.
So our home study is now complete. Our family and church family pulled together helping us raise $3,000 in 3 weeks. It was such a blessing. We have paid for our home study, agency fee and commitment to the Burkina Faso program which has totaled $9,100 so far. Adoption is not cheap but if you take the leap, God will provide abundantly. He showed that to us in Danil's adoption and now in this adoption. In a few months we will be required to pay another $4000. But that will be an exciting payment because our new little girl will be revealed. All we know is that she was wonderfully and beautifully knitted by God and that she is loved far more then we could ever imagine.
So please join with our family as we hold hands down this path, chosen and directed by God.
