Our Adoption On Washington

Just Put your Feet Down and Stand!

Where has the time gone?

I'm quite ashamed that it has taken me this long to update you on Danil.  Sometimes I feel like that person who has found themselves in a body of water and is frantically trying to keep their head above water...then they realize the water isn't that deep....all they need to do is put their feet down and stand.  Yep, that's me.  It's a cycle I like to repeat quite often and for some reason, I just can't stay out of the water.

I last left you in May (as I put my head down and peer up with my eyes).  It was just around Mother's Day.  My first Mother's Day with Danil.  My husband and the kids planned a wonderful day at the park.  My only request was on that day, we honor Danil's birth mom.  He remembers her and he loves her, so it only seemed fitting.  As much as I want Danil to be mine and mine only, reality is he's not.  It's not going to do him or me any good if I take that away from him. 

My favorite picture of me and the kids.  They took me to Starbucks that morning and Kevin snapped this shot of us all together.  I just love these little people!

And here is Danil at the park kissing the balloon before he sent it to his birth mom.  He let it go and watched it float away, way up in the sky. This picture is so precious and makes my heart ache for him all at the same time.

Also in May, Danil got to live out every boys dream. We attended a local Safety Day and Danil got to sit in all types of Police, Firefighter and Medical transportation vehicles. Considering Danil has a great curiosity about Policemen, this was his favorite....

The kids finished up school at the end of May and we celebrated by taking them out for ice cream.  I'm so proud of my A students and Danil PASSED KINDERGARTEN!!! Woo Hoo!  I tell you there were many nights I would just break down and sob my heart out.  I didn't know if it was possible, there was so much for him to learn in such a short amount of time.  It was great teamwork effort between his amazing Kindergarten teacher (Thank you Mrs. Godby), the Kindergarten teaching assistants, the school and our family.  The school could have asked me to step back but they didn't, they let me be involved as much as I thought Danil needed and for that I will be forever grateful.

We spent the summer trying to stay in our daily routine.  Danil doesn't operate well without one.  His anxiety level rises, he stores it and then he blows...and we all pay for it. 

In June, I continued school lessons for about 2 hours a day and tried to make it fun.  We learned about money, the Arctic, pond life and puppets.  I would try to plan the lesson around a field trip.  We got to go to places like the I-max theater, a puppet theater and a local pond.  It was a lot of fun. 

We also celebrated Father's Day in June.  We surprised Kevin with a ride on the "Pizza Train".  We hopped on a train and rode it about 30 minutes to a small town where we stopped and ate at a local pizza parlor.  When we were finished we boarded the train again and it took us back to our original location.  We had so much fun that day.

June was just a month of F-U-N.

And then came July, the month of A-N-T-I FUN.

Oh my is all I can say.

We did get to go to our favorite place, Green Lake, Wisconsin for Family Camp with my parents.  But it was so HOT.  We didn't spend much time doing the things we normally do because it was so HOT!

Then we loaded up and headed back to Indiana.  We had decided to stay at Indiana Dunes State Park campground for a few days.  We were not there even an hour and Danil had a bike wreck.  He knocked loose his two front teeth.  I had just ran to a local city to purchase a bathing suit because I have failed to pack mine for the trip.  I had just arrived when I got the phone call.  You know that phone call that starts out "Danil is okay but...."  and ends with "we are on our way to the Emergency Room." 

I arrived at the Emergency room which conveniently was right next door to the shopping center. I had asked Kevin how he knew where the Emergency Center was and he chuckled "It was one of my projects."  Isn't it funny how God weaves it altogether.

I saw Danil in the waiting room and the Mama tears started flowing.  His teeth were just dangling from his upper gum.  He sounded different, looked different...but he was still smiling and reassured me he was okay, that it didn't hurt.  We left with his teeth still dangling and tried to enjoy that rest of our weekend. 

After we returned home, we went to see Danil's dentist.  He would not pull them.  He wanted to see if they would retract.  I was very upset.  We spent another week eating soft foods because he couldn't chew because his front teeth would not allow his jaw to close.  In one week, we were back at the dentist.  This time he pulled them.  Danil was sent away with on giant plastic green tooth to put under his pillow.  The next morning he had $2....I wish the tooth fairy would have left me something to help pay for the Medical bills.  

 

.

The rest of the Month our routine was shot.  And Danil had lots of anxiety.  Lets just say it was a rough month.

I do have to tell you that one positive thing came out of July of 2012. It was joyful Grant.  The little boy that we left that day we boarded the plane to Ukraine was finally back. 

His smile was now genuine. 

His laughter was back.

I got to see that little upper lip curl that happens when he smiles that melts my heart.

Oh how I missed seeing that little lip curl all the time.

I asked Grant one day what was different. I will never forget what he said.

"I'm just choosing to be happy Mom."  

Wow! Happiness is a choice and I'm so glad he finally chose it. He's been great since then.  He loves his brother.  He will even tell you he does.  He says he couldn't imagine what it would be like without him.  He's to little to understand all the trauma that Danil has experienced in his life.  He doesn't understand Danil's anxiety.  But even though he doesn't understand it, he is choosing to love him anyway and to just be happy.

Danil's anxiety started to decrease at the end of July and took him a while but he was back to the Danil that everyone enjoys. 

In August, the kids started school and that's when I fell into that body of water again.  I took a position with the school as an Kindergarten Instructional Assistant for 2.5 days per week.  I figured I was usually there volunteering that much so I might as well get paid. With this new commitment and all the kids activities...this Mama is having trouble getting her feet down. 

Lets just say, I am amazed at working Moms.  How do you do it?

To complicate matters worse, I was sick for a few weeks in September, had an emergency root canal in mid-October and a week later has pneumonia.  Then because I like to share, about 2 weeks after my bout with pneumonia, Grant got it...then a week later Abbey got it.  But I am happy to report, we are all finally healthy. 

I've had two weeks since the sickness left our house and I'm just starting to feel my feet descend.  They are not quite on the bottom yet but they are getting close.

With this blog post off my shoulders....they are getting even closer

I am determined to stand up soon. 

 

 

 

Learning to Love & Finding Strength

There is so much to write, I don't know where to begin.  The last time I wrote how everything seemed to be falling in to place.  The boys were starting to connect and things were going very well.

The first week of April was Spring Break.  We took off for Navarre Beach, Florida.  Overall we had a great week.  We learned a few things about Danil. 

He liked the Ocean and was so excited to see it for the first time.

But he does NOT like to swim in it.  The first time he got the salt water in his mouth, he was done.

He does enjoy hunting and collecting "treasures" on the beach.

Danil would rather swim in a pool then play at the ocean.

He likes to build sand castles and will sulk if yours turns out better then his. 

Danil did well but we learned that the lack of structure that week caused him great anxiety.  Toward the end of the week, his favorite past time was picking, whining, mean faces and fit throwing. 

The next few weeks at home and school were rough.  He got red and yellow cards at school.  Therefore, his consequences were seen by him as unfair and tried to pass the blame on everyone else.  We had a few screaming fits, tantrums and times when I had to hold him and reassure him that all the abandonment that he had experienced in the past would never happen again.  It was hard on Danil.  It was hard on our family.

I really try as his mom to be understanding, to like him through the bad times (because I always love him) and figure out what I can do to help him.  Parenting Danil has been different then parenting my bio children.  You could probably guess some of the differences.  Thanks to a recent family search, we know where Danil was his entire life.  But we do not know how he was treated, what he was exposed to and what he was taught.  We are trying to rebuild a strong foundation of love, respect and a faith in our all mighty God. 

Fears that Danil experiences on a daily bases are different then my bio children experience.  I'm sure Abbey and Grant never consider the possibility that one day I might send them away.  But Danil does, no matter how much a reassure him. 

 A few weeks ago, we had taken in a stray dog.  After having the dog for 12 days, 2 ladies showed up at our house to take the dog.  When I saw the ladies on the front porch I said "They are here to get him." 

Danil hid in the corner. I thought maybe he was sad because the dog was leaving.  While talking to the ladies, I asked Danil if he was okay.  With scared, sad eyes he looked over his shoulder at me, then turned his head back and looked down.  Abbey went to Danil and asked him what was wrong.  He said "Are they here to take me?"  See, different.

When Danil says:

"I don't want to be here"  means "I don't want to leave"

"When I grow up I'm going to be alone" means  "I'm afraid to be left again"

"I don't love anybody" means "I afraid nobody will love me"

"When I grow up I'm going to be a bad boy" means "Do you believe in me?"

Danil has taught me so much about love.  How important it is to be loved and to have love in your life. 

Danil also experienced his first Easter with us.  The greatest part was talking to Danil about what Jesus did for us.  And of course we also celebrated Easter with coloring eggs and Easter baskets

 

 Danil colored eggs.

The kids with their Easter baskets.

It's now the 8th of May.  10 months home!!  I sat down yesterday and watched a few videos of Danil while we were in Ukraine.  It was amazing to think that it was only 10 months ago!

At the moment, Danil is doing great.  I think he is finally back to my "March" Danil.  And I am going to SOAK. IT. UP.

One more thing I want to record for Danil is the time that he started leaning on God's strength.

_____________________________________________________________

Danil,

Four days ago while we were pulling weeds next to our house, you told me something that gave me great comfort.  You told me that you had talked to God all by yourself.  You told me that you had asked him to forgive you for all the mean things you say to your mommy and daddy.  You also asked him to help you be a good boy. 

I want you to know Danil that you can always ask God for strength and forgiveness.  He forgives you, loves you and is with you always.  He is your strength Danil when you have times that you don't know how or what to do.  Just call on him Danil.  Because together you make an awesome team. 

My heart is so happy Danil that you are starting to lean on God because when I am not physically with you, I know he is...always.

I love you,

Mommy

___________________________________________________________________

8 Months Home!

Grant and I always joke that my favorite number is 8. 

Why?

My usual answer is "Because it looks like 2 donuts stacked on top of each other, and what could be better then that!"

My new answer "Because that is when Danil started to relax and became joyful in being a part of our family more than anytime he has been with us." 

Yep it's true.  The past two to three weeks overall have been great.  It seems to finally be clicking. 

We've had several heart to hearts. We've talked about Ukraine and his life there.  We've talked about how his life as he sees it was good there (honestly that is how he sees it) and how his life here is good too.  It's okay to look at the differences and realize that they are good in different ways.  But no matter the differences . . .you can still like each of them.  You don't have to throw "mud" because one may be better in one area then the other.  Bottom line, they are both different but they are both good.  This seems to have really clicked with him. (Thanks to my wonderful friend Renee who pointed this out to me and helped me have this conversation with Danil.) 

Danil seems to care more.  He wants to snuggle more.  He wants to hug more.  He offers more kisses and wants more in return. He wants to make sure what he does or says does not hurt you.  He wants and trys to be more obedient.  He leading with his heart for the first time.

Things are also settling between Grant and Danil.  I have to say that Danil has grown alot but so has Grant.  Grant, the baby of the family and the cute little guy that everyone paid attention to, lost his identity on July 8, 2011 when a little boy the same age as him moved into our house.  They both have ownership in the way this "war" has gone down.  Grant's anger turned him into a little boy that I didn't recognize any longer.  A boy who didn't smile as much.  A boy who became verbally and physically abusive.  A boy who was sad, annoyed, mad and sometimes just down right ugly.  It broke my heart. 

I shook my finger at God many times. 

"Why God, Why did you ask me to do this?"

"Why did I have to hurt one little boy to save another?" 

"Why couldn't you have set this up better, Come on God!"

But after 8 months, I finally see my 2 boys emerging from the black cloud that covered them.  And oh how God's light is shining down.

He's not only stretching and growing me . . .he's stretching and growing my boys.  I can't be mad at God for that. 

Grant is settling into this role as big brother and Danil is settling into the role of little brother. They are learning that not everything is fair but they are loved the same, they are loved unconditionally. 

Do we have brotherly arguments? Yes.  But they no longer involve on-going physical abuse or abusive words.  We are learning to get to the heart of the issue and solve it.  It's definitely a process. 

Danil's cycle was very short this month.  It only last a few days and was tolerable.  There was a few time that his anxiety became overwhelming to him thus he became verbally abusive.  This month, I decided hold him in a cradling position until his anger subsided, after time-out proved to be unsuccessful.  At first he was mad, he continued with the verbal attacks.  My response was loving.  He would get frustrated because I would not allow him to get down until he relaxed.  This triggered the fake relax, but he could only hold up his this act for a minute or so.  Then anger, followed by surrender, relaxed body, to deep remorse for his anger, to sadness for loss, then cuddling me back, to not wanted to leave my side, to hugs and kisses, to a joyful boy.  I only had to do this 2 times and the cycle was over. So much anxiety for such a little guy, it's heart breaking.

In the 8 months since Danil has been home.  He has only grown 1/2" taller.  He weighs the same (Oh so skinny but we can't seem to get any weight on him).  His shoe size has grown 2 1/2 sizes.  Well, at least his feet are growing!

He's writing and reading more at school. 

He's finally starting to get green cards consecutively (big sigh).  And looks like he is on track to completing Kindergarten.  I have to say that God gave Danil an amazing drive.  His energy level is still high (God help me!) but I am finding that he is able to sit for longer periods of time without become too anxious.  This is great for Danil and makes Mommy happy. 

Or should I say Dan because apparently he changed his name.

 He's excited about our upcoming vacation to see the white sandy beach of Florida and the Ocean/Gulf of Mexico.  He's getting excited about Spring and Summer.  He looks forward to his week at school and forward to his weekends at home with us. 

I'll leave you with a video of Danil playing the game, Headbands.  The boys love this game and as you can see, Danil is quite good at it.

  

 

 

7 Months Home

What is better then telling you how Danil is doing?

Showing you of course!

 

I think he was trying to earn a "Be nice to your brother" reward sticker, what do you think? 

Danil is almost back to my "December Danil."  A few rough edges but getting better. 

Today, Danil and I went to McDonalds after visiting the doctor for his immunizations.  A woman approached as we were getting settled.  She said "I just have to say that I have never seen a boy that looks so much like his mother." 

God is so Good. 

 

 

Connecting the Dots

When Danil and I arrived at the Airport on July 8, 2011, Grant was waiting to give Danil a gift.  A bear that Kevin, Abbey and Grant had made for him. 

The day Grant was born, Abbey and Kevin made a trip to the local Build-a-bear Workshop.  They brought back Jack. 

So on the day the Danil was born into our family, Kevin and the kids made another trip to Build-a-bear Workshop to get Danil his very own bear, Oliver.

I can't tell you how many times, this bear has been the start of a lot of hurtful feelings for Grant.

We never made the connection till last night.

It usually begins like this.  Grant calls us into the room after we had put the boys to bed without any incidence . . .everything seems happy and normal. 

Grant is usually upset. 

"Mom, Danil said he doesn't want his bear, He said it's not his and he doesn't want it"

I explain to Danil that indeed the bear is his, Remember Grant gave it to him on the day we came home on the airplane.

Danil responds

"I don't want it. I don't need it.  I don't like it."

"I want my bear from Ukraine"

I hand him is bear that one of the nannies gave him before he left.

Now usually at this point, Grant is crying and I start to get upset.  But last night it was different.

Danil, are you sad?  Do you miss your friends in Ukraine? Do you miss your first Mommy and Daddy?

"No, I do not miss anyone.  I do not need anyone. When I get older I am going to live myself"

I'm sorry you're sad Danil.  It is okay to be sad.

"I'm not sad. Why you pick me? Why you not pick another boy? Why? I don't want you pick me!"

Because Danil, out of all the little boys in the whole world, we wanted you.  

"Grant, Why you let Mommy and Daddy get me? Why Grant?"

Because I wanted you to be my brother

"Well, I don't want to be your brother. I don't want Abbey. I don't want Mommy.  I don't want Daddy."

We love you Danil.

"Well, I don't love you.  I don't need you. I'm going to live by myself"

Kevin tries to lighten the mood.  'Well Danil, when you get older I am going to come live with you.  Because love you so much, that I will miss you. I will get old and you will care for me.'

"No, I don't love you."

Danil are you scared? Are you scared Mommy and Daddy are going to leave you?

"Everybody leave me!  Nobody want me. My mom and dad leave me.  Everybody leave!"

Danil, we will never leave you. Danil I can tell that your sad and scared.  Would it help if I rock you to sleep tonight?

-Danil completely releases his anger and starts sobbing-

"I'm scared Mom.  You will die and Daddy will die. And Abbey and Grant will die too."

Danil, Mommy and Daddy are not going to die.  It's okay Danil.  This is forever.  No one is ever going to leave you again.  Abbey and Grant will not leave you. It's okay to love us.  This is your last home.

"I love you Mom. I love you Dad.  I so sorry.  I so scared."

"I sorry Grant, I say mean things, I sorry."

It's okay Danil

We love you buddy.  When you start to feel like this Danil, let Mommy and Daddy know.  You can just come to Mommy and say "I need Mommy time."  And I will know the maybe you feel a little sad and a little scared.  I will try to make you feel better so that you don't have to say mean things.

"Alright Mom"

Daddy you will please get my rocking chair. 

"Will you rock me all night Mom?"

No Danil, but I will rock you till you are asleep.

"Okay Mom."

And with that we rocked a while and Danil fell asleep in my arms.

Kevin and I recounted downstairs how many times we have gone into the boys room because of the harsh words regarding that bear.  But never have we got to the root of the "Bear problem."  It was his only way of knowing how to communicate that this was getting to scary for him to handle. I wish so many times, that we had seen it . . .instead of getting upset about his mean words toward Grant.

I decided to write this event down for 2 reasons.  One so that we can look back and remember how much our love has grown.  How far Danil has come.  And two, because I know that there are other adoptive parents who read my blog.  My hope is that by sharing this story, it helps you to connect the dots in your own child's struggle.  We had no idea that this bear was Danil's way of communicating to us.  Maybe your child is using something else, taking another action that you perceive as hateful defiance. But maybe, just maybe they are scared or sad.  They just don't know how to tell you. 

Believe me, we have so many more dots to connect.  It's a long Dot-to-Dot journey.  But in the end, by the grace of God, it will be a beautiful picture.

 

Catching my Breath

We've had quite a month here at the Krulik house.

Danil was so excited to experience his first Christmas with our family.  It was so much fun to talk about Jesus' Birthday and all the things that we do to celebrate it. 

On Christmas Eve, we went to church.  The sermon involved calling children from the audience to take part in the Christmas Story.  Danil, who loves to be on stage, of course agreed to play along. 

       (Abbey is playing Mary, Grant is the Lion (?) and Danil is a sheep)

After church, we went home and decorated cookies for Santa.

 

And off to bed we went, after all Santa doesn't come if you are awake.

Christmas morning was filled with lots of excitement.  I woke the kids up, Kevin read the Christmas story then we went down stairs.  Danil was very excited to receive a new bike from Mom and Dad.

The next day was also a BIG day for Danil.

It was his 6th Birthday.

The night before his birthday, Danil told me how the morning of his birthday played out in his mind.  He told me what he would say and even told me what I would say . . .then off to bed he went. 

On his birthday, Danil woke up and came into our bedroom.  He said "It's my Birthday!" and I said "Yay, Happy Birthday Danil!"

Danil then exclaimed "Wow Mom, it happened just like I thought it would!"

We had a party that evening for Danil.

It was very hard for him to wait for everyone to arrive.  This photo was taken 3 hours before the party was to start.  I found him sitting by the door waiting for his guest to arrive.

But finally it was time for his birthday party!

This is something that Danil was SO EXCITED to do for the first time . . .blow out his candles on his birthday.

He had a great time and felt like such a big boy.  He somehow thought that by turning 6 he would receive so many more previleges then he did at the young age of 5.  Unfortunately after a few days, he realized that being 6 was not really different then 5... "Darn it!"

When Danil's 6 months home hit, I wanted to share how he was doing but alas . . .I couldn't and didn't feel like I could.

I had heard from other adoptive parents that at about 6 months sometimes kids exhibit some regression.  I was ready, or so I thought.

Danil and I had gone to see a behavioral therapist.  She explained to me some of the things that Danil was possibly experiencing.  It made sense.  It gave me a small glimpse into what his thought processes might be. 

One thing that made a lot of sense to me was Danil's level of anxiety.  He does well for a while but fear and sadness creep back into his mind.  He stores them until he is really anxious.  Then he says to himself,

"Hey, this isn't fair!"

"Why am I the only one anxious here?"

"I'll fix this!"

And he does.  He'll bounce from one person to the next trying to make anyone he can mad and anxious.

One person he can always count on is Grant.  Then when Grant and Danil become anxious, I'm usually the next to follow.  He can sometimes get Kevin and Abbey there but not always. 

One night it was Abbey's job to straighten the pillows on the couch and fold the blankets.  As soon as she would fold one, Danil was right there to pull it off the couch and mess it up.  Abbey continued to fold the blankets and Danil continued to mess them up right after she had folded one.  She told Danil "Danil, I know your mad and you want me to be mad too.  But Danil, I don't care if you mess up the blankets.  I'm still going to be happy, you can't make me mad."  He tried again.  She repeated that she was happy no matter what.  Well, shortly after this conversation, Danil stomped out of the room.  

1 point for Abbey!! 

Now combine Danil's monthly cycle with 6 month regression and you have a nice storm on your hands.

I'm not going to lie, emotionally it was very rough.

There were days that I was at a loss of what to do.  Days I wanted to give up.  Days where I would find myself in tears in the supermarket.  Days where I lost my temper.  And then toward the end there were days where it took everything in me to be nice to Danil.  And alas there were moments that I was bitter that he was treating us this way. 

And finally the last day, after a week long of yellow cards at school and constant hateful words that came from his mouth, I resorted to the silent treatment.  I know, that is SO adult of me.  I just couldn't do it.  I couldn't look at him and smile.  I couldn't talk without feeling angry.  So I said as little as possible.  That night at bed, I forced myself to hug him then I told him that Mommy was done with his meanness.  If he wasn't going to be nice and do the right thing then Mommy wasn't going to be nice either.  I had drawn the line in the sand.

Ever since then, 3 days and counting, Danil has been a different boy.  Was it my silent treatment? I have no idea.  Was it prayer? Yes. 

I was told by a fellow adoptive mom at church that I kept "popping" into her head last week.  She knew that something must have been going on.  She didn't know what it was but she knew that she was meant to pray for me.  And I know that she was not the only praying.  I'm not one to hide my feelings and this past week, I was weary and needed rest. God cares. He gathered his followers to pray.  He answered. 

I also wanted to give you an update on how Danil is doing in school.  The answer is very well.  What a smart boy God has given me.  He understands the concept of letters, words and sentences.  He can identify beginning sounds, ending sounds, number of syllables, rhyming words, sort items, understands comparative words, write numbers 1-20 and gets this . . .is labeled at "Above Reading Level"!  Now let me just say, when I saw this I questioned it.  Really?  He doesn't even know all of his alphabet sounds.  He struggles with some sight words. But he's above reading level? I spoke with his teacher today.  She showed me the sentences that Danil was tested on and read! Well, shut the door! I also had the pleasure of playing a reading game with a few students in the hallway at school.  They had to pick a card out of the bag and read the word.  They were words like "jet, pop, dad, cap" and so on.  And low and behold, Mr. Smartypants Danil read the cards very well.  Let me just tell you how amazing this is because unlike many English speaking children, Danil doesn't know what some of the words mean.  For example, he got the card that read "cap." He sounded it out "c-a-p," then said with a smile "cap." Then I said "Danil, do you know what a cap is?" He said "no."  Amazing little boy. 

I'll leave you with this.  Danil told me that God wanted his first Mommy and Daddy in heaven with him.  I responded that he did and we are so thankful that God chose us to be his last Mommy and Daddy.  And for some reason, that only God knows, he wanted Danil to live here in America.  Abbey said "Yes Danil, I think God wants you to do amazing things when you get older." and with that Danil smiled. 

         (Danil climbing a rock wall. He made it to the top!)

 

5 Months Home

Wow, 5 months! Danil has come so far.

Remember that little boy I blogged about this time 5 months ago?

The boy who screamed at me in Russian.

The boy who said he didn't love me over and over.

The boy who was un-trusting and scared.

The boy who wanted to badly to have a family but didn't know if this was real.

Today, That boy is no longer.

 (I know he's a goofball, I can't get one "normal" smile from him)

 This boy is thriving with his English and people are amazed at how developed his language is already. He no longer screams at me. Does he get mad at me? Of course, but there is no longer that out-of-control screaming that makes you want to run the other way. Much of this due to his language development and much is due to his learning respectful communication.

This boy gives his Mommy kisses over and over. The other day while shopping, Danil asked that I carry him. My response was "Yes." He's almost 6 and he could be made to walk but this was my chance to "baby" him. He's still very light, only 43 lbs., so I wanted to take advantage of this. I'm so glad I did. As I was carrying him, he gave me kiss after kiss. On my cheek, on the lips, then back on my cheek. Oh . . .It was lovely.

A week ago, Danil had his first Holiday program at school. He sang "Jingle Bells" and a few other songs with his class on the stage. My parents, Kevin's parents and Kevin's sister all came to watch the boys perform. While waiting to sing, Danil kept looking into the audience at us. He just smiled and waved at us over and over. This was his family. He knows now where he belongs, with us.

Does he miss his homeland? Absolutely. He cherishes his photo album and looks at it often. Always making sure it is in a safe place. He still recalls memories, people and places. Some of his memories are happy, some of them are sad. But they are cherished memories to him.

This weekend we were lucky enough to run across a small Russian deli in Indianapolis. Danil walked away with his beloved Salo (salted pig fat that is eaten on bread), Heba (a sort of marshmallow fruity snack), Havla (ground sunflower and honey mixture) and several kinds of candies. The shop owner spoke to Danil in Russian. He just looked at her. I explained that he has been home 5 months and I'm not sure how much Russian he understands. She tried several times and Danil could not understand her. I have to tell you the truth, this made me a little sad. I had wanted to honor those who loved Danil dearly, I wanted him to still be able to communicate with them. Sadly, now he can not. We will again pursue Russian School this January to see if Danil has any interest again.

So, at 5 months Danil is doing very well. We are still doing some adjusting. Still working on building a relationship between Grant and Danil. Still working on attachment and Danil's need to push away when he starts loving too much and gets scared. Last night I asked Danil if I could maybe rock him to sleep one night. I thought his answer would me "No mom, I'm not a baby" but with a big smile he exclaimed "Yes." I'm been reading some on attachment lately in order to help Danil with his feelings when he pulls away (and usually involves hurtful words). This is one thing that is suggested . . .you start with things that you would do for your infants to build a connections and work from there. So we are going to try it.

And I am very pleased to say that we are on Green Card #11 in a row! Yay Danil! Right now, 5 months feels great!

O' Christmas Tree

Each year our family suits up for the winter weather to select the perfect tree for our living room. 

This year we have one more family member in our pictures.

He was so excited to join in our tradition, until the tree selection began.

This is the tree that Danil selected.

 

And this is how he responded when we said

 "No, its a little too big." 

 

We finally selected a tree.  It was not a unanimous decision.  But it was unanimous between the two individuals that had to fork over the cash.

Here is our the kids in front of our 2011 Christmas tree.

 Kevin cut down the tree and we took it back to the truck.  Before we loaded the tree we took a moment to enjoy some hot chocolate and gingerbread men peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

 

 

 We took the tree home and decorated it.  It is so much fun to hang our decorations.  I love all of the homemade ornaments that the kids have made throughout the years.  We love to look at them and remember.  I'm sad that we don't have any of Danil's but I look forward to hanging the ones he may make this year.  Then next year we can get them out and remember his first christmas with us.

Danil got the pleasure of putting the star on the top of the tree.  This is a much desired duty in our house so I'm thankful that Grant and Abbey let Danil do the honors.

O' Christmas Tree before you stand 3 of some of my greatest gifts given to me from our Lord.  Thank you God for my children.

 

 

 

 

Lots of First . . .Lots of the Same

I keep meaning to sit down and blog about Thanksgiving.

But to tell you the truth, it's been hard the last 6 days.

We are in the midst of our rough period that occurs each month with Danil like clockwork.

I know by now, I should be able to deal. I should expect it and prepare. But each month, my hope says "Maybe this month it won't happen."

I have to admit with each month, his behaviour during this period improves from the last month.

This month he is Mr. Impossible to Please. He whines about everything and he "knows" everything. It gets old really fast. I try, I really try to look at it all in perspective. He's been through so much . . .oh the stories he could tell.

The other day, I needed to take Danil to the hospital for some routine blood work. He asked me when we pulled into the hospital parking lot if I was going to leave him there. You see, the last time Danil saw his Ukrainian family was when he was handed over to a Doctor and he remembers it clearly. I have not doubt it was done out of love and for his safety.

"Absolutely not Danil, I will not leave you here or anywhere."

I explained to him that everywhere he goes, I go. I would not and will not ever leave him.

Perspective, there it goes again.

It seems to me that right before this period HITS, we get really close.

You know, those times when you say to yourself "This is soooo easy." He loves me so much. He's so happy here. He's fitting right in and is coming along so well.

Then, WHAM! It leaves you saying "What in the world just happened?"

Then you say "Aha, Oh . . . Oh no." Brace yourself.

Don't get me wrong, he doesn't turn into a evil monster with fangs. He's just different. Off. A little less likable (in my Jane Austin's best impersonation). But I still love him very much.

Okay, enough of that . . . .It's starting to sound like I'm whining too. If you haven't got to know me by now, just know that I'm not one to keep my feelings hidden. I do have a filter but I'm not one to keep it in a black box where no one can see. . .like it's a secret. It's out here. This is me. This is who I am.

On to the "Lots of First" part of this post.

Danil experienced his first Thanksgiving! He actually had 3. This is what happens when you get adopted into a big family.

Danil was not thrilled when I explained what we do on Thanksgiving. Can you guess why? Yep, food. His idea of getting together just to eat was not appealing. There goes his love/hate relationship with food.

On Thanksgiving day, we wrote what we were thankful for.

Danil did well at all 3 celebrations. They were not on the same day and spaced a few days apart. Two of the celebrations were had at our family member's homes. He seemed to like playing with his cousins. Danil loves the smaller cousins and the alot older cousins. Sorry for the ones in between. He ate well. He played well. A successful Thanksgiving I would say.

Yesterday, Danil experienced his first American Snowfall. I know it's probably just like a Ukrainian Snowfall but I thought we would celebrate it anyways. After running to the store to equip Danil with snow pants and snow boots, the boys were eager to get outside and play. The snow was so wet but they didn't care. It was great for snowballs and fort building. One thing Danil did say is that we put our snow pants on backwards here. The zipper goes in the back. Hmmmm, that's a new one for me.

More good news, Danil's behavior is improving so much at school. We haven't had a red card in almost a month. Yay! The last time he got a red card was right after Halloween. Our rule with candy, is that if you come home with a green card, you get 3 pieces. A yellow card means no candy. And a red card . . . well this cruel mommy warned him that if a red card came home, I would eat 3 pieces of his candy. Wouldn't you know it, he came home with a red card. So like a responsible parent, I had to follow through (I say that to make my self feel better about what I did). So, I grabbed his bag of candy and pulled out 3 of my favorite candies. Let the screaming and crying begin. I sat next to him, ate it and threw a few "yums" in there. But no red cards since. Now I don't know if the resonated with him or if he just finally understands what it takes to get a green card. But I'll take it either way and the candy was delicious.

We've got a few more first on the horizon with Christmas. The day after Christmas is Danil's birthday. And boy is he EXCITED. So I better get planning because this boy is ready for his 1st birthday party. He tells anyone who will listen that he is going to be 6 years old after Christmas.

Hold on to your Santa hats and Birthday hats this is going to be a fun ride.

 

 

Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen is a Good Thing

Today I needed to make Deviled Eggs for Danil's first Thanksgiving Dinner tomorrow at Kevin's parents.  I also wanted to make a "healthy" recipe for scones that I had come across.

For the record, I love scones.  The scones at Starbucks call my name, seriously they do, I'm not joking.

For the record, I have never made Deviled Eggs.

I bet you know what happens when you have 3 children and you start cooking.

Yes, they all want to help.

Abbey and Danil mixing and shaping the scones.

Grant mashing the cooked egg yolks and Danil is ummmm . . .just being Danil.

Abbey filling the eggs.

And the boys ummmm . . are not helping at all

But everything turned out for the most part.  We lost a few boiled eggs along the way.  After we had separated the boiled egg yolks from the egg whites, I asked Grant to mash the eggs while I measured the ingredients.  Only to look up, to see Grant attacking the egg whites with his fork and mashing them.  Oh well, I guess I wasn't specific on which part of the egg to mash.  We had a good giggle out of it though.

Yummy, I can't wait to eat them. 

My little cooks can help me anytime.